Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Today has been humbling...

Today has been humbling. God is working. It's wonderful.

Last night at RUF I was spacey. I had a hard time focusing. I much rather wanted to pass notes with a friend than I wanted to pay attention. I got lost and confused. It didn't help that we were delving into some difficult stuff. (We were going over prayer and spiritual warfare in Daniel 10).

But somehow, God managed to teach me through it. I don't understand it fully and probably never will on this side of Heaven's gates...BUT it has been food for thought all day for me.

In prayer group we were just talking about things we understood and didn't understand about spiritual warfare. Just batting around ideas and hearing wisdom from others was opening my eyes and pointing me to scripture. Then we had some CRU (Campus Crusade) guys sit down with us. They were doing an evangelistic survey on campus and just starting some deep conversations with strangers. They randomly sat down with us at prayer group and it was so wonderful to just hear about their lives and to be able to share about our lives. We were able to discuss some of the ways God is working and teaching us. Even from the perspective of two different college ministries, it was uplifting and wonderful.

Then when I arrived home from school (about 30 minutes ago) I opened my Google Reader and read a wonderful post written by a wonderful woman who loves Haiti. It's about the f word. Now I'm in college so my immediate instinct was to think it meant the naughty f word. It, however, was NOT about that f word. It was about fear. Go read it, please.

I agree entirely with her post. It's so good to be reminded of how fear can downright RULE your life. It is also good to see how much I've overcome some fears and see just how far God has brought me. It gives me hope that my insecurities and fears are not a hindrance for God and that He will indeed work through them with me!

Some of you who know me know that I have a clinically diagnosed anxiety disorder. Yes, I know everyone gets butterflies and people get nervous before public speaking. If you think I'm whining about these things, you're wrong. You must understand that I experience anxious and nerve wracking moments FAR DIFFERENTLY from the average person. I don't want to throw myself a pity party but I do want to tell you that if I can overcome fear (slowly but surely), then God can lead you to overcome it too! It's nothing we can do on our own, we're the ones who let the fear rule our lives - remember, but rather it is what God can do. I am not overcome by (some of) the silly things that used to daunt me 4 years ago. Heck, I'm much better about (some of) the things that used to send me into the throes of a panic attack mere months ago! GOD IS POWERFUL! Know that.

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