Breaking

God is breaking me.

It has been a rough summer, to say the least. I've lost a number of family members due to various medical issues. My life plans A, B, and C have been ripped from my grasp. I moved out of my apartment without a clue as to where I'd be living for this next year; I was essentially homeless. I've struggled with immense loneliness and depression. I've fought with my best friend and had my heart broken. My eyes have seen many tears. I've skipped church more than I've gone. I've been fighting God.

Last night in the midst of gasping-for-air sobbing, I finally opened my Bible. I hadn't even unpacked it since early August, much  less read it any time recently.

I randomly flipped to Psalm 55 and then to Isaiah 3. Reading these passages just caused me to calm down immensely. Especially Isaiah 3:1. "For behold, the Lord God of hosts is taking away from Jerusalem and from Judah support and supply, all support of bread, and all support of water;...". And my commentary in my ESV study bible says this: God takes away whatever keeps his people from him, but only in order that they might enjoy his glory. It suggests severe deprivation (bread and water).

So God has been taking these things, which are good things, until I pursue Him. He knew I was running so He was taking away all the things I was running toward until I finally realized my complete depravity and desperate need for Him.

Now I can't say everything is hunky dory. I definitely still need to fight through some things and actively remember to read the Word or speak to the Father. It's not easy, especially after fighting it for so long. But it's a turning point. Turning to face God.