Thursday, December 30, 2010

Inaccurate blog title as of late

I just realized how incorrect my blog title is recently. I haven't blogged about Jesus recently. I haven't blogged about following Him either. I wonder if that is indicative of my life right now. It probably is.

I have to be honest (and being honest on the internet is no small feat) and confess that I struggle. I am struggling. I feel like my walk with Christ is one step forward, two steps back. I know that the step forward is only because of HIS work in me and nothing to do with my own strength...but the two steps back is just the opposite. I try to build myself up, work harder, be better by myself and all that happens is I find myself further from God. The point is, a lot of the time I find myself running full force away from God. Or trying to at least

WHAT??? That's  not what a good christian is supposed to say. That's not what a good christian is supposed to do.

I'm not a good christian. I am a sinner.

It is only by the grace of God that I am not allowed to run. No matter how hard I try He reigns me in, turns me to face Him, shows me His love and the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. It is out of this that anything I do can be considered good - fruit of the Holy Spirit that resides in me.

It's not easy following Jesus. But it's not impossible with Christ. And it's not something I can stop doing. It is my life's work to follow Him but it's also my life's joy to follow Him - for He is the creator of both work and joy.

So what does this mean? I devote myself again and again to His will. I pray for Him to be present in my life. I listen for the Spirit within me. And even when I fail to do all of these things well, He takes heart and shepherds me home anyway.

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