Wednesday, July 13, 2011

My broken but beating heart

So...despite this post right here in which I make my future seem sure and solid, I do not know things. One of the things that I didn't know when typing that post is that a week and a half later I was to receive an email rescinding the offer for me to come to Haiti. I was not provided details as to why - I was merely told point blank.


So there it is: the news I've been avoiding blogging about, telling people about, and thinking about. But it's time. Time to rip off the bandaid that I slapped over my wounds and expose my broken heart to the world.

I've gone through a range of emotions - sadness, confusion, anger, bitterness - none of which I really want to detail out on my blog. But I do want to share the peace that has come out of crying out to God. It has taken many good friends and wise counsel for me to see God's goodness. No, I may not tangibly see the "good" yet but I'm ever reminded of His promises. And in faith, that is enough for now. His ways are not my ways. He knows the plans He has for me. He promises to continue the work He has begun in me unto completion.

So I take my broken but beating heart and I move forward. I seek His face and count it all joy. Joy a midst the sorrow. I do not know yet exactly where I am going or what I'll be doing but I know that in it all, I'll never be alone - my Savior will be with me every step of the way.

1 comment:

  1. Okay, I have to start by saying I know at this point words probably don't help much, and our situations are different, but in a way I went through a similar thing, and I somewhat know how you feel.

    I packed up and made the move (to Zimbabwe), but 4 months later my world crashed down and I was forced out of the country. I thought I would be living back in Zim as soon as I could, but it just hasn't been in God's plan. I still don't understand completely why this all happened, but I know God is in control.

    I know he has given you a heart for this country for a reason...he probably just has a different time, place/organization, or way for you to be there.

    I'll pray for you as you seek Him and try to figure that out.

    Hugs :)