Sunday, September 9, 2012

Of loneliness and love

Hey guys! I've been busy with school (and will continue to be) so don't be surprised when I don't post frequently.

However, I want to share my Friday afternoon with you:

I had a good study group session with some dear classmates for several hours after class; we all had a good time laughing and chatting while being productive and digging into the material. However, when everyone left and my roommate went on "date night" with her beau I was suddenly left to my own thoughts. Sometimes this is great, I love having me-time and am ridiculously introverted. I do, however, enjoy company and need companionship and community. It was just one of those nights. I took a break and made dinner and found myself procrastinating studying by wandering through the internet. And poof, I was in a cloud of loneliness, self-doubt, and questioning my identity in Christ and as a woman in this world. How does this happen? Does this happen to you all, too? Does it come out of the blue like it does for me?

I texted my mom, because she can be such a guiding voice and I know I can turn to her when I feel like there is no one else. She told me to get out of the house or call a friend. So I packed up my study materials and closed my books (as if I was really focusing at this point, anyway!) and hopped in the car. I ended up visiting my old workplace, the hospital I worked at before I went to PA school. 

I walked down the familiar hallways, smelled the familiar smells, and smiled at familiar faces. It was honestly a true joy to visit with my old co-workers. We hugged, smiled, shared stories of work and school. Honestly, I am convinced I worked with some of the best, most kind and loving nurses out there. I rotated between them as they took care of their kids and I even saw a few patients (frequent fliers) that I have previously loved on and have been praying for. I was even told of new information that could possibly be of use to me next year in clinical rotations or even in the long-run post-graduation in my career!

It was such a beautiful night, after all. God knows just what I need when my dark cloud is so overwhelming and consuming. He knows what people He can put in my path to dissipate the self-depreciating fog and remind me that I am not alone and that people are even missing me! 

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